


Gloss All Monsters!

by Missy



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adventure, Crack, Gen, Humor, Kissing, Monsters, Time Travel, monster fighting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 15:12:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7366828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mabel, Candy and Grenda's trip through time to kiss various cute boys from history goes horribly wrong when time and genetic mutation manages to create a lip gloss monster that threatens to overtake the world!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gloss All Monsters!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DesertScribe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertScribe/gifts).



> I kind of loved your prompt, and I wanted to write the girls doing something absolutely innocent that leads - inevitably, because this is Gravity Falls - into ridiculousness and pure pandemonium. Hope you like it!

“I’m not sure this is a great idea, Mabel.” Candy had been eyeing the invention that Mabel’s Grunkle Ford had dragged back from his trip to the equator. It and the enormous blue squid Mabel had grandly named Inky were the only two things the elder Pine Twins had brought back from their ocean voyage besides a thousand odd stories, and Mabel and Dipper were under orders not to touch it. Which was why Candy didn’t trust that look of determination in her friend’s eyes.

“Why not? I mean, I have to be right. It’s pretty much a time machine, isn’t it?”

“It looks like one,” Grenda agreed. “But what if it’s some sort of big washing machine or something like that? I don’t want to be washed to death and prove my mom right!”

Mabel raised an eyebrow as she rested a palm against the cool, metallic exterior of the machine. “But if it IS a time machine we’re missing out on a huge opportunity!” She stuck a fist to her waist and raised an eyebrow. “Girls, you know what this means? We need to seize the moment and follow our plans! Our big, big plans!”

“Yes!” both Candy and Grenda yelled.

“And what did we agree we’d do if we ever found a time machine?” Mabel asked, grinning cheesily.

“Solve world hunger and try to bring peace to the planet?” Candy asked.

“Go back in time to stop your Uncle Stanley from picking up that fez?”

“No! Travel through time and hold hands with cute boys from history!” Mabel said.

“Yes!” Candy and Grenda shouted. They paused, their arms hanging limp in the air. “Wait, what?”

“Come on guys, it’d be so cool! We could rub noses with George Washington! Hold hands with Abraham Lincoln! Take a stroll on the beach with Frederick Douglass.” 

“Eat peanut butter sandwiches with George Washington Carver!” Grenda added.

“Cuddle teddy bears with Teddy Roosevelt!” Added Candy.

“It’ll be so much fun!” Mabel said. “So are you guys with me?”

Candy and Grenda shared glances. Well, if they wanted to be  
perfectly honest with themselves, time travel would be an awesome, fun way to spend some time. And they did owe Mabel a fun week after she’d returned back to Gravity Falls to share yet another awesome summer with them. They nodded, then extended their fists. They collided right in the center perfectly.

“Oh my gosh!” Mabel’s eyes glittered. “A perfect fistbump!”

It was a sign of amazing things to come, Candy hoped.

She hoped really, really hard.

 

((((((((

 

Nobody told Candy take time travel was super scary, involved a lot of flashing lights and motion. She thought that because the time machine was entirely enclosed they’d end up safely ensconced in the belly of the beast while they rolled and rocked through time. It was like a roller coaster, the scariest roller coaster in the whole wide world. At the end of the pulsing, shimmering, scary tunnel there was a black void, and at the end of that void was a big patch of green grass, into which she, Mabel and Grenda tumbled end-over-end. They landed in a big, vulnerable heap in the grass, groaning at their misadventure. 

“Where are we?” Grenda asked. “All I see is blue.”

“That’s because your face is mashed up against my shoe,” said Candy. Grenda moaned and sat back up, trying to clear the cobwebs from her head. Sure enough, Candy’s foot was right in her face as they girls disentangled themselves and looked around.

And the sight that greeted them – miles and miles of pristine trees, a few houses with smoke curling its way up the chimney, and one lone boy chopping away at a cherry tree – caused them all to simultaneously realize that they’d done it – they were in Virginia, and the boy chopping the cherry tree was George Washington!

“Dibs on old wooden teeth!” Grenda yelled. They then composed themselves enough to approach the future president with some semblance of poise. Conversations were had. Cherries were eaten. Hands were held. Finally, as his father called him in, George planted one gentle kiss on each of their hands. The girls gathered to squeak over their victory. 

“I cannot tell a lie,” Grenda said, “that guy knows how to kiss!”

“So who’s next?” asked Candy.

“EVERY BOY IN HISTORY!” yelled Mabel. “ONWARD, FRIENDS!” 

 

((((((((

 

The afternoon was an eventful one. It seemed there were an unlimited number of hopelessly awkward adolescent future world leaders who wanted to hold hands, take walks, have their cheeks kissed and go on pretend dates. The three girls tumbled out of the time machine several hours later with stories to tell and grins on their faces.

What they didn’t expect was to open the door leading into the main body of the Mystery Shack to witness total devastation. Windows were broken, tables were upended, and the chaos was being led by one very gooey looking monster.

One gooey monster that sparkled in a way that uncannily resembled the lip gloss Mabel sported.

“Guys,” Mabel said, “I think we might have caused one eensy teensy little bit of a time paradox when we went back in time to kiss all of those boys.

“Gee, do you think?” Candy asked.

“What do we do?” Grenda wondered.

“What we always do when these things happen,” Mabel said. “Kick butt and save the day!”

 

((((((((

 

Which was not an easy prospect when you keep getting sucked headfirst into the monster’s gooey guts like it’s some kind of inhuman Jell-O mold. It was Candy’s idea to blow the thing up from the inside out with some of the fireworks that Grunkle Stan kept hidden under the front counter.

Mabel was the distraction, Grenda the muscle and Candy the brains. Together, they tried to trick the monster by distracting it by knocking something over on the opposite side of the room, them pushing the cracker into its goopy center.

The explosion ended up covering them with glitter, but it saved the day. The girls sat panting in a puddle on the ground, trying their best to calm back down. They vowed never to tell Mabel’s Grunkles what they had done, considering themselves lucky to be home and in the right universe.

A month later, it snowed cotton candy and Mabel considered it a total upgrade.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to RF for beta!


End file.
